| i think i am losing my mind |
[16 Jun 2007|11:54pm] |
okay i know its only JUNE, but i am already stressing over my christmas.
why??
because apparently it is MANDITORY to work on boxing day (dec. 26th). at my job (retail).
so i talked to my manager about it and he told me that insead of working the 26ht i can work the 24th and new years day instead.
WTF???
i have to be in PHILEDELPHIA for xmas. i refuse to work on xmas eve because i would much rather be in philly with my family. i will not sacrifice the two measly weeks i get off of school for a job that pays me 8 dollars an hour.
however i need to keep this job.
my family will not pay for me to be in philedelphia for 6 days. they want me there longer. ahh.
this really shouldnt be an issue considering its june.
i think i need to book some tickets now and show them to my manager.
lately ive been feeling invisible.
its as though my existance in vancouver and elsewhere could go completely unnoticed. i feel like i make no impressin on people whatsoever. i try to make plans, i call people, message them on facebook or myspace, text them. and what do i get? no responses.
i wonder if i will ever make a big difference in somebody's life. or if im worth talking to. is my company even enjoyable?
i know that sounds so melodramatic. its just how ive been feeling these days.
its been exactly a year since i made the move from san diego to vancouver. and i still dont have a steady group of friends. needless to say ive become nostalgic.
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[03 Dec 2006|02:23pm] |
i quit my job today.
my last day is tuesday.
ill find a new job in january.
i cant believe they didnt fire him...
but the best thing for me right now
is to get out and move on.
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[11 Nov 2006|02:28pm] |
so i have a shitload of hw to do this weekend.
2 midterms and a paper due this week.
THIS IS MY WEEK OF HELL.
lastnight: i got super baked and watched The Wall. sickest movie ever!!! and i dont care how cliche i sound.
tonight: some house party that ill have to take the bus to. should be interesting.
sunday: library then work
monday: study study study
and the rest is between me and satan
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[28 Jun 2006|01:16pm] |
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you know your life is pathetic when your only form of human contact is myspace..or commenting on livejournals...or writing lj entries that no one comments on..or waiting for people to call but they never do cause their lives are better than mine now...meaning they actually have lives and have no time for people like me with no lives.
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[03 Jun 2006|03:35pm] |
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well my camera is broken....all of the repair shops have to "send it away to get fixed" so yeah,..... ill have no memories of my last week here, of my senopr week, or of my graduation because i wont be able to take any pictures. great. fan-fucking-tastic.
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[29 May 2006|04:49pm] |
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i never thought i took things for granted until today. i never fully understood the meaning of living life to the fullest until today. today marks a new chapter not only in my life, but in my whole family's. we will learn to love and respect eahother and grow from this experience. i think whatever factors were tearing us apart before will be re-evaluated. its amazing how something you pay no attention to can impact your life.
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[26 Mar 2006|10:21pm] |
time is running out. things are moving so fast. thus far i havent accomplished everything i set out to do by the end of this year, but ill just cut my losses and start fresh.
its official: I'm moving to Vancouver for the summer.
at least now i have something to look forward to. im getting a job there, and hopefully ill meet some cool people. it will be nice to get away from north county for a while.
this weekend proved how little there really is to do when you have no money and still live at home.
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[01 Mar 2006|03:37pm] |
ok i just want to know, WHO ACTUALLY READS THIS?
i like comments people, so if you read this than comment on my entries once and a while.
thanks :)
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[03 Feb 2006|08:27pm] |
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my life sucks. i have one friend. i mean dont get me wrong, im greatful to have her as a friend but the one thing ive longed for more than anything all my years in highschool is one close group of friends. i dont know if that will ever happen. i blew my chances. im starting to doubt whether or not ill ever have more than one close friend. not just a "close friend" who sticks around for a couple months till they get bored with me. but a group of us who will be friends for life. im tired of people saying theyre my good friend and getting fucked over. maybe people see me as some push over, someone to take for granted. maybe i put too much of a face value on friendship. i just give and give and get nothing in return. im tired of having tons of acquaintences, im tired of the same dry conversations. im tired of being lonely. this past week ive sunken into a depression. i have no motivation left. i dont care anymore. i dont even want to leave the house. im tired of crying out for help and having no one give two shits to even call me. and im sure theres people reading this thinking "oh poor jordan," well, if you dont intend on calling or commenting then i dont want your fucking sympathy. if you really have no intentions of being a friend then dont waste my time with your petty bullshit cause im sick of it.
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[22 Jan 2006|05:04pm] |
every year i find myself asking the same question: what is so damn exciting about watching a bunch of men run around a field after a ball?
i mean i can understand it might be fun to play the sport, but what exactly do people get out of watching it? and why is it such a big deal to people. this is something i will never understand.
now hockey on the other hand, is fun to watch. at least the game goes a little faster, they get into fights and you get drunk while watching the game. then again its not as americanized as football, meaning theres no gay halftime shows and no men staring at eachothers buts. in my opinion its a much more "macho" sport.
i also dont see why athletes get paid millions to chase a ball when the people running the country or doing the very necessary, but not so glamourous jobs (like janitors and migrant workers) yet they get no recognition and a hardly half decent salary. god things are so backwards.
why do we idolize celebrities? i mean most of them dont even have college educations, all they do is recite lines and look pretty. big fucking woop. they have nothing to do with the stock market or corporate america yet people will bend over backwards to kiss their asses. its simply pathetic.
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[18 Jan 2006|10:18pm] |
i suppose an update is due.
well for starters my foot just fell asleep so thats sort of annoying.
lately ive just been really lonely. i dont like the feeling. lots goes through my mind, i think i spend too much time alone, plus my life at home is shitty right now. my parents have been so difficult to get along with these days. thank god theyll be gone for a month (only one at a time tho)
i dont know if this is weird or not but whenever im driving im always overwhealmed by thoughts of crashing. thoughts like i could just hit the gas and crash the car. or reverse it too far. i dont know what it is. its this extreme phobia of crashing again. i know if i do crash again im fucked.
and marina your the only person on my friends list that has been updating for the past month. just thought id share that.
so im almost half way through finals. that means im almost at second semester. which means only one more semester left. i cant wait to get the hell out of here. 6 down 2 to go.
someone find me a boyfriend.
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